Omar Nabil |
Saturday 04 December 2021 – 11:40 am
The criteria for choosing a husband or a wife at the present time depend on two criteria which are not third to them, in most cases these are the selection of the beautiful wives among the wives, and the rich among men, regardless of what Prophet, peace be upon him, recommended in the criteria for choosing the wife, or husband, of character. And the religion with which the ten years continue between the two parties, especially in the choice of the wife who will become a mother, is of great importance. advantage over his children; She carries her fetus in her womb for nine months, carries it weakness after weakness, places her child between the pain of childbirth and the joy of his arrival, breastfeeds him and watches over him, and she suffers while raising her children by hardships mingled with effusive tenderness and selflessness towards herself in everything.
The mother has a great responsibility in the upbringing of the true Islamic education of the generations, which has its imprint on the future of the children who contribute to the construction of society and the future of the Islamic nation.
A wise man was asked: Tell me about an ideal way to bring up my son.
The sage asked him: How old is he?
He said: seven months
Al-Hakim said to him: You are too late, so raising children begins with the choice of the mother.
The first step to creating good offspring
Choosing a mother is the first step in a project to create and build the greatest human edifice, which is the family, which determines its security and strength, and fully achieves its goals.
Many people are lenient in choosing a wife, so they base their choices on a moment of haste to smash their sexual desire, or they depend on a moment of courtesy. With all the elements and functions of family, especially since the woman is not just a fleeting relationship that will stay with her for a month or two and then separate from her, but she is the partner who will sit with you in one place and share everything with you throughout of your life until God decided something that was effective, whether it was the death of one of you or the divorce and displacement of family and children.
The warning of the Prophet, may the prayers and peace of God be upon him, in this issue was crystal clear, when he laid down four criteria for choosing a wife on whom people rely in their selection.Glory to her husband .
The Prophet, prayer and peace be upon him, said in the two Sahihs of the hadith of Abu Hurairah – may God be pleased with him – “A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her beauty, his lineage and his religion.
To win, with a woman right here is a victory with the ability and the power that the victor seizes his competitors with great effort, struggling with himself, his customs and traditions, and the Prophet, God bless him and grant him peace, used the word “victory” denoting superiority over the disputed competitor, and the word is often used only in wars and battles, and therefore not It is said in battle: He has conquered his enemy , we rather say “He won”. , contemplate this meaning and this formulation.
And what was narrated by Ibn Majah and others on the authority of Aisha – may God be pleased with her – she said: The Messenger of God – may God’s prayers and peace be upon him – said: Because the issue here is not one of judgment or desire and desire, but rather of a family that has functions and purposes. Al-Manawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer:
1/ Choose a wife who understands the rights of the husband and the family
The wife must have a degree of reason, understanding and wisdom of the rights of the husband to fill the eyes and the heart of the man, so he urges him to look down except on her, and to keep his private parts except with she. hints at her husband’s demands without permission, she always adorns him as if she were a bride every day, he only feels the best wind, and neither his eyes nor his heart fall on the ugly, this is the wife who takes care of her husband, the mother who raises her children, and the daughter-in-law with her husband’s mother and father So she takes care of them and respects them, and appreciates the effort they put into raising their son, who is her husband, and she is the brother’s wife with the husband’s siblings, so she respects them out of respect for her husband, and helps him to be kind to them, and considers one of legitimate rights which cannot be neglected, and she urges her children to respect their father’s family and their reverence.
She is the owner of opinions and advice that helps her husband with opinion and wisdom in the dilemmas of questions, she is patient in calamities and calamities that may arise in the family, she is the helper in adversity and she gives her husband and children her own money if necessary.
2/ Choose a wife based on character
Marriage is not just a bed or sexual pleasure, or sweet words that young men and women memorize, but the husband should choose a wife who has good manners, and if her husband is absent, she will preserve him. His honor and dignity, as there is no objection to sharia, religion or morals because he dares to woo men and establish a relationship with them.
Your cowardice and pity or mercy? Moments that reveal your humanity and deserve heaven
3/ Choose a wife who rewards the husband in creation, money and a good environment
Priorities must be taken into account in the choice of the wife, in terms of competence, so that the wife is from the same moral background as the husband, and is from the same social background. difference in the choice of the couple.
And in a practical situation of the life of the Companions – may God be pleased with them – we find Jabir bin Abdullah marrying a young woman who has never been married, and the Prophet – may God’s prayer and peace be upon he – asks him: Would you marry a virgin, he played with you and he said – may God be pleased with him: “Oh, Messenger of God, my father died or was martyred, and I have younger sisters, so I hated getting married like them, so don’t discipline them and rise up against them, so I married a thief in order to stand up and discipline them.” And in another Muslim account: “I hated to go to them or bring them like them, so I liked to bring a woman who would stand up for them.” and fix them, he said: God bless you, or he said: Fine.
4/ Get the same religion
Prestige, money, work, etc. cannot be a reason for family stability and happiness without religion and good manners. On the contrary, these qualities turn into time bombs that destroy the family. Religion and good manners are the foundation. And this is what Al-Hasan Al-Basri – may God have mercy on him – understood when a man came to him and said: I have a daughter that I love, and more than one s is engaged to her, so who would you advise me? marry him? He said: Her husband is a God-fearing man, for if he loves her he will honor her, and if he hates her he will not harm her.
And in the hadith of Abu Hurairah – may God be pleased with him – he said: The Messenger of God – may God’s prayers and peace be upon him – said: (If anyone whose religion and character you like proposes marriage to you, then marry him; if you do not, there will be trials on earth and widespread corruption).
In Sunan Saeed bin Mansour, on the authority of Ibn Hormuz Al-San’ani, he said: The Messenger of God – may God’s prayers and peace be upon him – said: “If anyone whose faith and trust satisfy you come to you, then marry him He said: Yes.
The religiosity intended in the hadith is not, as some understand, represented in appearances, forms and rituals, although nothing is taken away from the extent of appearance and appearance, especially if it is part of legitimate duties like the veil, for example It deals with appearance and informant, worship and transactions, values and morals.
Religiosity can only be understood as false manifestations of religiosity, because there are religious people who admire their appearance and appearance, and impress you with their good speech on Islam and faith, but they fall dramatically into the right ones morals and good cohabitation. whose owners speak of religion and righteousness, but these are transactions, rights, etiquette and cohabitation.